


Family Game Night

by Quill_of_Thoth



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Board Games, Crack, Crew as Family, Family Bonding, Gen, Memo fic, Post-Star Trek Beyond, do message logs count as epistolary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-29
Updated: 2017-09-29
Packaged: 2019-01-06 17:08:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12215181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quill_of_Thoth/pseuds/Quill_of_Thoth
Summary: While debriefing on Yorktown and waiting for temporary assignments or waiting out medical leave, the bridge crew of the enterprise makes a point of trying to reconnect. Checkov’s suggestion of having a family board game night once a week had plenty of merit… until they actually started playing the board games.(Six games the bridge crew tried to play, one they actually agreed on.)





	Family Game Night

**From:** sschntgai  
To: group:ent_bridge (jkirk, mscott, nuhura, pcheckov, hsulu, lmccoy)  
**Subject:** Formal request to drop the game Scrabble from the rota of games for our weekly gathering.

While I do not dispute the intellectual nature of the game and it’s no doubt illuminating uses in facilitating fluency in federation standard, it fails to fulfill the purpose of ‘group bonding.’ As evidenced during our gathering on Thursday, it instead facilitates hostility between members of the bridge crew, likely due to the competitive natures of certain of the enterprise’s officers. In addition, I do not believe that a twenty minute argument between Captain James Kirk and Lieutenant Nyota Uhura over what constitutes a ‘klingon loan word’ matches any human definition of fun.

Live long and prosper,  
S’chn T’gai Spock

 **From:** jkirk  
To: group:ent_bridge  
**Re:** Formal request to drop the game Scrabble from the rota of games for our weekly gathering.

You’re all just jealous that I put petaQh on a triple word score

 **From:** nuhura  
To: group:ent_bridge  
**Re:** Formal request to drop the game Scrabble from the rota of games for our weekly gathering.

For the last time, that is _not_ how you transliterate that. Also, epithets are not part of the official scrabble dictionary.

 **From:** jkirk  
To: group:ent_bridge  
**Re:** Formal request to drop the game Scrabble from the rota of games for our weekly gathering.

Says the woman who had to score a measly three points with ass.

 **From:** nuhura  
To: group:ent_bridge  
**Re:** Formal request to drop the game Scrabble from the rota of games for our weekly gathering.

Unlike some people I was trying to stick to standard. The game isn’t built for other languages, because the letters are distributed, and assigned points based on their statistical frequency _in standard._ A Q in klingon shouldn’t be worth anything, not least because they use a completely different alphabet.

 **From:** pcheckov  
To: group:ent_bridge  
**Re:** Formal request to drop the game Scrabble from the rota of games for our weekly gathering.

Does this mean I can use Russian next time?

 **From:** lmccoy  
To: group:ent_bridge  
**Re:** Formal request to drop the game Scrabble from the rota of games for our weekly gathering.

Spock: I will second this motion from the bottom of my heart if you can get them both to _shut up_. Nobody wants to hear their damnfool argument for a second time.

Jim: Not believing in no win scenarios during a _board game_ just makes you a sore loser.

  
**From:** lmccoy  
To: group:ent_bridge (jkirk, mscott, nuhura, pcheckov, hsulu, sschntgai )  
**Subject:** Very fucking funny Jim

I absolutely refuse to play Operation with any of you ingrates ever again.

I know y’all don’t think I have a sense of humor, but I was willing to go with it until you made the joke about the gorn. Sorry if I take my job _too serious_ for you, even though it’s merely life and death and nothing like picking plastic bits out of a children’s game.

I’d like to see any of you horses’ asses do any better.

 **From:** pcheckov  
To: group:ent_bridge  
**Re:** Very fucking funny Jim

I am believing we should not play any games that will make fun of each other’s jobs in the future.

 **From:** sschntgai  
**To:** group:ent_bridge  
**Re:** Very fucking funny Jim

Doctor, your surgical skills were never truly in question. At one point or another all of us have been under your care, with more than merely acceptable results. The behavior of our captain does not reflect the assessment of the crew.

 **From:** lmccoy  
**To:** group:ent_bridge  
**Re:** Very fucking funny Jim  
What, no accusations of becoming overly emotional? No advice that I should logically let this go? Are you coming down with something? Again?

 **From:** jkirk  
**To:** group:ent_bridge  
**Re:** Very fucking funny Jim

Sorry Bones. I took that joke a little too far.

 **From:** mscott  
**To:** group:ent_bridge  
**Re:** Very fucking funny Jim

Aye, ye did. We’re all touchy on the subject of loosing people right now, lad.  
  
From: hsulu  
**To:** group:ent_bridge  
**Re:** Very fucking funny Jim

Next time I vote we drink less and think a little harder about choosing a game. I’d kind of like to bring Ben and Demora next time, if we can find something age-appropriate for Demora.

 **From:** nuhura  
To: group:ent_bridge (jkirk, mscott, lmccoy, pcheckov, hsulu, sschntgai )  
**Subject:** Hikaru, your daughter is a delight, but I never want to play candyland again

Is there _anything_ we could do instead next time? I’m open to suggestions.

 **From:** pcheckov  
**To:** group:ent_bridge  
**Re:** Hikaru, your daughter is a delight, but I never want to play candyland again

Is difficult. There must be room for eight or more players, or for teams. It must also not be too difficult for a small child, so I suggest… poker?  
  
**From:** hsulu  
**To:** group:ent_bridge  
**Re:** Hikaru, your daughter is a delight, but I never want to play candyland again

Pavel, she’s four.

 **From:** pcheckov  
**To:** group:ent_bridge  
**Re:** Hikaru, your daughter is a delight, but I never want to play candyland again

Never too early to start learning. Did you know that counting cards was invented in Russia?

 **From:** lmccoy  
**To:** group:ent_bridge  
**Re:** Hikaru, your daughter is a delight, but I never want to play candyland again

As long as it’s not chutes and ladders or high ho cherry-o. Those both take longer than watching grass grow on the side of a hill, and they’re just as boring.

 **From:** jkirk  
**To:** group:ent_bridge  
**Re:** Hikaru, your daughter is a delight, but I never want to play candyland again

Twister? We could do it tournament style or something.

 **From:** jkirk  
To: group:ent_bridge (nuhura, mscott, lmccoy, pcheckov, hsulu, sschntgai )  
**Subject:** Not Twister

So, apparently none of you besides Checkov is willing to play twister with me. Okay, Spock gets a pass, but seriously? Nobody?

 **From:** nuhura  
To: group:ent_bridge  
**Re:** Not Twister

To be fair, Sulu and Ben were just _wrapped_ up in their own little world. ;)

 **From:** hsulu  
To: group:ent_bridge  
**Re:** Not Twister

Just for that I’m going to show this whole thread to Ben, Nyota. Just so he knows you’re not as classy as you pretend to be.

 **From:** jkirk  
To: group:ent_bridge  
**Re:** Not Twister

And what’s your excuse, Ny?

 **From:** nuhura  
To: group:ent_bridge  
**Re:** Not Twister

I was confident that Demora could take you.

 **From:** jkirk  
To: group:ent_bridge  
**Re:** Not Twister

…Fair. Scotty, Bones?

 **From:** lmccoy  
To: group:ent_bridge  
**Re:** Not Twister

I’m a doctor, not a goddamn contortionist.

 **From:** pcheckov  
To: group:ent_bridge (nuhura, mscott, lmccoy, jkirk, hsulu, sschntgai )  
**Subject:** Do we have to continue playing monopoly?

It was a very sad reminder of twentieth century capitalism. Also, after four hours, we were still playing, and only Hikaru had gone out, because he gave up and went home to put his daughter to bed.

It is not a very fun game.

 **From:** schintgai  
**To:** group:ent_bridge  
**Re:** Do we have to continue playing monopoly?

According to the official game instructions, there is a variation for playing a short game of approximately an hour’s duration. Additionally, play time would logically be significantly shortened without the use of the Free Parking square to recirculate money, a variation not listed in the rulebook, and if properties were immediately auctioned if not purchased by their original occupant. Following the official rules in both these matters should decrease the time spent playing a game by twenty point one percent.

 **From:** jkirk  
**To:** group:ent_bridge  
**Re:** Do we have to continue playing monopoly?

Nobody plays monopoly like that, Spock.

 **From:** hsulu  
**To:** group:ent_bridge  
**Re:** Do we have to continue playing monopoly?

I guess I missed nothing after I left? Heads up, if we’re still doing Friday I won’t make it. Demora’s got a cold and apparently at her age they all last a week.

 **From:** mscott  
**To:** group:ent_bridge  
**Re:** Do we have to continue playing monopoly?

I dinnae think continuing is a good idea. We’ll need another game for this week.

 **From:** mscott  
To: group:ent_bridge (nuhura, jkirk, lmccoy, pcheckov, hsulu, sschntgai )  
**Subject:** Catan isn’t any better than monopoly

Cheers, lads and lass, we’ve managed to find a game so boring that mister Spock fell asleep. I didnae know that could happen.

 **From:** pcheckov  
To: group:ent_bridge  
Re: Catan isn’t any better than monopoly

It is a strategy game! Very educational! It represents a perfect blend of chance and resource management!

 **From:** mscott  
To: group:ent_bridge  
Re: Catan isn’t any better than monopoly

It took you ten minutes to take your turn, lad.

 **From:** jkirk  
To: group:ent_bridge  
Re: Catan isn’t any better than monopoly

If we’re down to six again, I know a game that Checkov and Scotty can both agree on: Risk. Won’t take any time at all…

 **From:** nuhura  
To: group:ent_bridge  
Re: Catan isn’t any better than monopoly

You’re a troll, Kirk. NO.

 **From:** lmccoy  
To: group:ent_bridge  
Re: Catan isn’t any better than monopoly

Play whatever the hell you like, but somebody come keep Spock company. He’s caught Demora’s cold and won’t admit that he’s miserable. Stubborn ass.

 **From:** hsulu  
To: group:ent_bridge (nuhura, jkirk, lmccoy, pcheckov, mscott, sschntgai )  
**Subject:** I’m going to blackmail you all, as soon as Ben stops laughing and gives me back my camera

Out of all the games that we can think to replicate, who would have known that the only one you could all ever agree on would be Pretty Pretty Princess? We have to do this again, and not just because I have five dozen new pictures for Demora’s album now.

See the attached photo if you think I’m joking about the blackmail material.

 **From:** nuhura  
**To:** group:ent_bridge  
**Re:** I’m going to blackmail you all, as soon as Ben stops laughing and gives me back my camera

That is absolutely the best picture of McCoy or Spock I have ever seen. Send me the rest.

 **From:** mscott  
**To:** group:ent_bridge  
**Re:** I’m going to blackmail you all, as soon as Ben stops laughing and gives me back my camera

I’m willin to wear plastic jewelry for the little lass, but I’ll give you a bottle of whiskey to never breathe a word about it to any other Starfleet engineer.

 **From:** jkirk  
**To:** group:ent_bridge  
**Re:** I’m going to blackmail you all, as soon as Ben stops laughing and gives me back my camera

Sure, we can do that again.

P.S. You can’t blackmail a man who has no shame, Hikaru. We all looked fabulous.

**Author's Note:**

> Some opinions on specific games (Catan) were sourced from people who actually know how to play them.
> 
> Also, yes, Jim has misspelled petaQ.


End file.
